THIS BOOK PROMISES TO TEACH YOU*
To divine what someone's like in bed just by looking at them
How to make foreplay last seventy days
A host of new positions, such as tiger roving, gibbon grabbing, splitting the coconut... and fish gobbling
Honeymoon tips that don't frighten the bride
Eight ways to bite someone -- and eight ways to say ouch!
How to have a child that looks like a movie star
The joy of camel fat
And finally: lovemaking techniques that will make you live forever
*Just don't try any of it at home. Or anywhere else. Please.
Since the dawn of civilization, a bizarrely eccentric host of self-appointed experts has befuddled, frightened and confused questioners by selling them bull about the birds and the bees.
Ancient Chinese Viagra was made from wasps. Medieval Indian advice books warned lovers never to have sex in front of the priest or in the middle of the road. Middle-Ages Britons claimed drunkenness was the best way to conceive, while Persians thought they could enlarge themselves with ginger and honey.
And as for the Victorians and Edwardians, hot blankets were the Devil's work, banisters should be banned and tight corsets could cause nymphomania. The odd playful slap wouldn't do any harm, though.
Here, then, is the cream of thousands of years of advice on where, when and how to put it, how to receive it, what to spread on it first and how to spend your time after it's all over. It makes you wonder how humankind ever got this far.
Condition: Pre-loved book. Minor yellowing of pages. Otherwise in good condition.
Year published: 2005
Sub-genre: Non-fiction; history; humour